3:00 AM Wakefulness / Schlaflosigkeit um 3 Uhr

Since Nikolas was a tiny baby, he's had nights were he wakes up in the middle of the night and is simply awake. This great photo is taken at 3:00AM when Nikolas was less than two weeks old. Like most tiny babies, he'd wake in the night and have a bottle. But did he get sleepy and fall back asleep quickly? No, sir. He'd be bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready for action. Some nights we would read him books (yes, at 3:00AM) and other nights we would simply lie with him hoping he'd fall sleep soon.

As he's gotten older, the wakefulness has diminished. We remember hearing him in his crib (when he was in his crib), making noises and rustling around, in the middle of the night almost every night. When he was older, he'd come into our bed every few nights, where he'd whirl and twirl around until we couldn't take it any more and march him back to bed, sitting in his bedroom until he fell back asleep again so that he wouldn't come back to our bed. At this point, he sleeps soundly for many nights in a row, and then about every two weeks goes through a wakeful spell. I used to think it was the full moon, but now I'm not so sure.

When we first came to Salzburg, Nikolas would come to us in the middle of the night and announce, "I want to play!" It took a lot of energy to convince him that night time was not for playing, and while he now knows that he'd not going to play in the middle of the night, he still wakes up from time to time. And it's not just waking up for a few minutes, wanting companionship, and falling back asleep. It's wide awakeness that goes on and on and on. Usually, when Nikolas has a wakeful night, he is awake for exactly two hours. It is uncanny how precise it is, again and again. In a way, it's good, because when you're nearing the end of the two hours of tossing and turning, you know it will soon be over.

Last night was a wakeful night. He came into our bed and lay quietly for a while. Then he started to roll and the legs started to hog up space. Someone should sign him up to play the role of a sleeping child in a movie, because he's got sleeping breathing down pat. There were quite a few times where I was convinced he'd fallen asleep, only to look and see his eyes wide open, looking into the darkness. What goes through his mind at 3:00AM?

I know that my mind is counting up the minutes of lost sleep, getting completely frustrated that no one is sleeping, until every so often his little voice comes through the darkness:
"Mama?" he asks.
"Yes, Nikolas?" I say.
"I love you, Mama," he responds.

Even though it's 3:00AM and you're thoroughly exhausted, how can you be mad at that?